unraveling

The sweater piece I spent
three weeks knitting with care
was three sizes too big

I had no choice but to unravel it
that single thread of yarn
for yards and yards

untangling
unwinding
undoing

All of that work for this:
a lump of frizzled yarn
what's left of my heart

I think of those years spent
weaving my life with another's
stitching days into the fabric of years
only to discover
it doesn't fit

snow in the desert

Photo by Brandye Ferguson

Last night during troupe practice, the studio manager came in to tell us that it was snowing outside and she thought we might want to see it. We all scrambled for our coats and headed to the studio up front with giant windows looking out over Sixth Avenue. The snow was coming down in enormous flurries. Brandye brought her camera and took this photo of my Bug, Lulu, which happened to be parked just below. I got to drive home in slush with an inch of snow on my hood and foggy windows.

The last time it snowed this hard in Tucson, it was 1986 and I was in the 7th grade. It is so rare to get snow in the Sonoran desert. How surreal to see saguaros and palo verde trees dusted with white. We complain of the brutal heat of summer so much that it is jarring to experience the bitter cold of winter. I had to laugh when I saw today's Tucson Citizen headline: "Snow Paralyzes City." The headline photo showed two children laughing and playing in the snow. One of them was wearing shorts. Although it only snowed an inch or so, apparently a lot of people were "snowed in" this morning and the local school districts gave the kids a snow day.

I love how a little snow in the desert can turn things upside down. Unfortunately, I did not get a snow day.

a day with snizzle

Today I spent the day with my friend Lise and her nearly-three-year-old son, who she affectionately calls her snizzle. Lise and I have been friends since she was 12 and I was 11. We used to laugh hysterically at the things her 5-year-old brother would do. Now we laugh at Joshua. In a good way.

Joshua is the main subject of my photographic endeavors. I could follow him all day with the camera, capturing his expressions and moments of discovery. I have been photographing him since he was a day old. It's amazing to see how he's grown into himself. He loves the camera and starts showing off whenever it comes out.

Today I photographed him jumping on the bed, getting tickled, fingerpainting, eating an orange, running around butt naked (except for his socks), and

falling asleep in the midst of eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. This little snizzle is too much for me sometimes.

my sister makes a mess

I called. She fussed. She said, "Hmmm. No bother really...it would be interesting to figure out." Thus, we wait and see in the morning.

11 things i can't live without

(not necessarily in order:)

1. dance
   
2. meaningful relationships
3. sunshine
4. water
5. laughter
   
6. solitude
7. home
8. love
9. beauty
   
10. health
11. integrity
    

If I had to eliminate eight of them, one by one, which would be the first to go? Which three would I hold tight to?

There have been times in my life when I have lived without some of these by choice. And times when I had no choice but to live without them. (At least it felt that way.)

I suppose there is always a choice.

What surprises me is my own resilience. Knowing that if (or when) I must live without something I value, I will adapt.